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Day 1 - Portland, OR - 8/26 - Berbati's Pan

That's right, kiddies -- Greg Ashley and his pack of musical slaves hit the road again for your listening enjoyment! This time we have a new employee -- Emily Grayson has replaced Joe on the skins. So far it is working out smoothly, but we miss Joe. He tried to start a slave rebellion, but only got himself emancipated.

First stop -- Portland, OR, where nobody ever does anything. I counted about 3 heads in the audience, including one maniac (Oscar's friend) who was screaming and holding down a one-man circle pit. He kept the energy in the center, just like everybody should've learned from 'Another State of Mind'. A gentle bike courier, Dan, took us in after being dis-satisfied with a wimpy solo performance by Tommy Stinson (come on, now). He played us the Black Keys album, and it is decided among the band that the Cuts are little bitches. Just jokes, of course.

Today's Lesson:


Episode 1: A Conversation between the Nelson twins c. 1991

Matthew: So what's up with this tour?

Gunnar: I say we do it up right. I say we kick it off next week.

Matthew: The same bitches?

Gunnar: No. New ones.

Matthew: You're right. The way it is now, we can pick 'em off like Georgia peaches. (tosses his address book in the wastebasket). Are we still gonna do that solo?

Gunnar: What solo?

Matthew: The one where we trade off.

Gunnar: HELL yea, so long as you got those hammer-ons down.

Matthew: Bitch, I'm layin' train tracks on this here Ibanez.

Gunnar: Let's hear it then.

(Matthew does a solo with hammer-ons)

Gunnar: Duh-duh-duh-damn.

Matthew: This tour is the real tour, G.

Gunnar: Shit, this is the fuckin' Starkist tour. I'll be lickin' three pussies the first night!

Matthew: You got that hair dye? Blonde?

Gunnar: Yea, blonde.

Eric: Awright, we'll hit that shit tomorrow. Come Friday, we be rockin' the Paladium.

Gunnar (picks up a phone receiver): Nelson twins don't fuck around, bitch!


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